oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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