It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
