You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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