why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
