the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
