awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
