'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize