i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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