once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
