If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
