you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
