never play flip cup with pint glasses
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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