So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
