i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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