she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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