I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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