Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
