Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
