haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I understand Curling. That high.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
