btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
