toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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