Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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