Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
