2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
