Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
May the power of my ass compel you!!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
