Heybabeimwearingurpanties
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
