What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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