the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
