just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
