So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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