Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
