that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
