Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
