I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
