he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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