Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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