Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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