and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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