I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
