WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
where am i from again
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
