I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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