Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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