First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Couch. On fire.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
