Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
