this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Randomize
