I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think people are normalizing furries
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
