I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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