why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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