The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
