I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
