I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
