Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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