he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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