So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize