If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My penis needs a shock collar
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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