i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
