dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I have fence marks all over my body
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