you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
