Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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