First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
