I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
