oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
