My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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