I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
