No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
