it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Randomize
