You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
