I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
