So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
