You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
