We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
