If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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