Three words: puerto rican gang bang
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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