There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
