My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize