Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Randomize
