is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
