dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
