I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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