I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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