I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize