just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Small penises have feelings too.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
