are you so shy because you have an std?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We talked him into tasing himself.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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