if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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