I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize