Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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