i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Randomize
