She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize