We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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